Favor

Lot of times we put a lot of our efforts for a person we care and end up surprised to realize that the same person is getting critical and may even become an main obstacle in front of your efforts.

Awkward situation right?

You would be totally startled and start thinking ….
How can a person respond to your concern and efforts in this manner?
Is the person not concerned about himself the way I am?
Doesn’t he realize all am I doing is solely for his own benefit?

My point of view is instead of getting surprised and asking this question to yourself, lets us ask this question to ourselves:

Did the Person ask for Help?

When you go towards a donkey for taking off the thorn in his leg and the donkey kicks you hard ...thinking you’ve come to attack him ….. Whose fault is this?

This is exactly the case when you go out of the way to help someone who has not even asked for your support.

Your care and concerns are all appreciable, but you can’t take decisions of other person’s life even if it is good for that person no matter what is the relation between you and that person.

Does the person really need your help?

Some people get into their comfort zone and are not keen to change things around them. They are aware things are not right but they tend to ignore it.

Such people will get really uncomfortable if you try getting them out of their comfort zone and make them work on the things which even they are aware needs to get amended.

They may still be ok with you doing everything as long as it doesn’t affect their comfort, but sooner or later it will surely affect their comfort and they will end up reacting sharply saying I didn’t need it, you started it unnecessarily.

Was there any personal interest in helping this person?

Sounds selfish huh?.... Not really.
Say if you live with someone in a house which is not that comfortable to live in, then there is your interest as well in making that house more comfortable. So if you act towards it and the other person reacts strongly against it then you need to understand you didn’t do this solely for that person’s interest …. It was in your interest as well.

there are times when we try to help others we do have our motives, be it physical or emotional.

May be if we ask such question to ourselves then we’ll know why we are facing such reactions and feel less hurt.

Does this mean even if we see something is wrong in the life of the person we care for. we should not do anything about it.

Answer is NO….. We shoud support but not spoon-feed.

All we can do is make the person realize that things are not right and he needs to do something about it. If he still doesn’t realize then it is his call. Maybe sooner or later he’ll realize it ….. but your support without his consent will only make things more worse.

In other way you are making the person realize that he is handicapped in terms of resolving his own problem … which may also be a reason for the person’s bitterness or stubbornness.

Lets the person take the lead and you play a supporting role, rather than taking everything on your shoulder.

If we keep carrying our baby all the time when and how will he/she learn to walk?

Excess sweetness spoils the flavor of Tea…. Same holds true for your concerns and actions.

So lets help our loved ones help themselves, rather than just going ahead and doing everything on your own.